A Birthday
by thejordipie
Summary: Once a year, Willow and Xander take the day off to eat cake at an empty grave.


Xander's eyes are downcast, and he hasn't said much. He's quiet and somber, and more than a little bad moody. Anya isn't too sure what's wrong, but she's clued in enough to know that Xander just wants to be left alone. She tails behind him, awkward and unsure.

Giles gives him a sad smile, and lays a hand on his shoulder briefly, but doesn't try to say anything. He gently leads Anya away as Willow arrives, a picnic basket looped over her arm. Tara is silent and supportive beside her, holding the hand that isn't carrying the basket.

Tara gives Xander the same sad smile that Giles did, presses a kiss to Willow's cheek, and joins Giles and Anya in the land of Not Here.

Willow sets aside her basket and she and Xander hug tightly. Willow presses her face into his shoulder, and he rests his chin on her head.

They've done this what feels like way too many times now, and no words are needed anymore.

The embrace ends eventually, and Xander scoops up the basket, and Willow holds open the door for him. They walk to his car. Willow opens the trunk for Xander and he deposits the basket inside. She takes shotgun, he drives.

The day is bright, and sunny. Normally that would be nice for an outdoor outing like they were planning, but today it felt a little like salt in the wound. The radio stays off. They both stay silent. It's not an unusual trip for members of the Scoobies; cemeteries are their usual stomping grounds. But the grave they're going to, they usually avoided.

They arrive in no time at all, and get out of the car in sync. They grab the basket, clasp hands, and make their way to the grave marked "JESSE".

There was no one buried there; Xander had seen him turn to dust and scatter in the air (it was all his fault, even if that thing wasn't Jesse anymore). It took months before Jesse's parents called off the search. The number of deaths in the area could not be ignored, and his continued absence wasn't likely to be solved by non-vampire hunter police.

Buffy had gone to the funeral with them, but since then, these graveside visits had been just a Xander/Willow Thing. They were the ones who had actually known him. They had been his friends. They were the ones that missed him, and mourned him, and lost him.

The two set to work, opening the basket and spreading a blanket over the grass, pulling out tupperware containers of cake and rapidly melting ice cream. Willow straps on a party hat, and Xander opts to place his on the headstone. Willow magics the candles on the cake slices to ignite.

Watching the tiny flames dance, both of them stilled, sitting reverently, facing the headstone. A minute passes this way. They do this in place of the chipper "Happy Birthday" song. Xander sings it in his head anyway, just to time it right with Willow. Willow sings it in her head too, to make sure she keeps time with Xander. They both blow out their candle at more or less the same time, and the silence is finally broken.

Xander tells Jesse about heading his own construction crew. Willow tells him about some of the spells she and Tara are developing. Xander rants for a solid three minutes about Spike and his obsession with Buffy and how DARE he say he loves her when vampires are nothing of the people they used to be and can't feel anything anyway (Willow leans on his shoulder comfortingly). Willow tells Jesse about her college classes and gushes more about Tara. Xander talks about Anya. They both tell him about the craziness of Dawn and Glory. They fill him in like he's been away on a long vacation, rather than demonized and dead.

Eventually, the sun starts to set, and they knew what roamed these graveyards at night well enough that they didn't want to linger. They gather the empty food containers, the grass covered blanket. They leave the party hat, though, sat on the grave at an oddly jaunty angle.

Willow waits a little ways away. With how Xander had been the one who had been holding the stake that killed him (vampire him- that wasn't Jesse, they were always firm to remind themselves. Xander was adamant about it) Xander always takes a moment, right before they leave, to try and let go of the guilt he still feels. It doesn't work.

He touches the gravestone once, the turns to join Willow. He drapes an arm across her shoulders, she leans into him, and they make their way back to the car. Not in silence, though. They share memories and remind each other of quirks of Jesse's and the kind of guy he was.

As they walk back, the not-too-close-but-not-too-far sound of a fight catches their attention. Xander and Willow look around in concern, and spot a small blonde figure facing off against a single man. They shrug and continue walking. Buffy could handle herself. This was their day off.

The night ends with Xander dropping Willow off at the university. They share a hug across the front seat of the car, and take a moment to appreciate each other and their continued state of being alive.

Willow goes to her dorm and to Tara. Xander goes to his apartment and to Anya.

Tomorrow will be the same as every other day. Business as usual, their regular peppy and perky personalities in place, fighting vampires and averting apocalpses. Everyone will pretend they didn't take the day off and shut everyone else out. (Anya will pretend to understand.) And in a year, they'll take the day off again.

 **A/N: Didn't know how to end it, so I panicked and bailed tbh. Got the idea while rewatching season one and noticing that Jesse just kind of got glazed over. He was their friend! He died! Show some emotion, c'mon guys! Anyway, thanks for reading :)**


End file.
